Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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