why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize