Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I met the friendliest cop last night
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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