She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
