i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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