How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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