Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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