Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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