We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
