Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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