Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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