that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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