you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize