Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
