Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
