what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
They took my balls.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Randomize