he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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