apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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