Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Randomize
