Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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