I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
