I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
