I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
it glows. i had to have it.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
