Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
