so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
