I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
