I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
