Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
