9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
