i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize