Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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