Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
