I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize