ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
