why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
