My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
