I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
