I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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