I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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