So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
