I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
