Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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