well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
