Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
