he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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