did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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