Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
