Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize