You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
