Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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