I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
is wine microwaveable?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
