mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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