Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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