do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
