All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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