Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
