I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
