We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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