I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
