Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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