i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
