imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize