I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
