i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
