I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
