I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
