just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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