Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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