Dual....:-)
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
