Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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