i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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