I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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