I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
