i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
