That's intense
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
