she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
