Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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