How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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